Ages and Ages Hence...

I have been a mother now for five years come Monday.

I remember being very apprehensive about motherhood.  I always thought that the endless days spent at home attempting to entertain a small person (or several small people) would turn me into a drooling mess, unable to communicate effectively or coherently with other adults.  I thought that I would lose all ability to think critically about anything of an academic nature again.  I thought that people would stop valuing me for my intelligence and professional experience, and that I would become *just* a mum.

How has motherhood been? How has Mr Bede, 5 on Monday changed my life?

Well suffice to say I am not currently a drooling mess, unable to communicate with other adults... I am just as adept at the art of both spoken and written words as I was before the advent of Mr Bede... if anything more so... since having Bede I have given my first talk at a brunch for Christian Women... I have started a Masters Degree in Education (for which I am receiving marks beyond any in my previous academic endeavours, including my first HD)... I have proof-read and edited a Masters Thesis for a friend that received an HD grading... I have a few things to be proud of...

So in that sense, my life is little different.  My intellect is intact, and potentially more acute than it was.

But my life experiences?

My life experiences are vastly different to what they were...

Now I know the true horror of the toddler who hasn't napped.  I know how to wrestle a rolling baby into an all-in-one suit without scratching or breaking the bones of said baby.  I can breastfeed an infant whilst mediating a dispute between two other children, while making dinner.

Is it hard? Yes.  There are days where Mr Bede has stretched me to my breaking point.  And he hasn't even started.

It is very interesting to watch him grow up.  Five years is at the same time a very short but very long time.  He has gone from the flailing, crying infant dependent upon me for his every meal, to the flailing, running, jumping, shouting, train-imitating, Boy (and the capital is intentional.  He is SUCH a boy) who is still dependent upon me for his every meal but perhaps not in as physically immediate way these days...

We haven't even got to Homework Wars or the dark and shadowy realm of the Teenaged Years to come. He hasn't even gained a fraction of his arguing and negotiating ability... and if his current verbosity us anything to go by, we should be VERY worried.

He can and often does talk from sun up so bedtime without drawing breath, offering a running commentary on anything and everything, asking questions all the time... according to my parents, I was exactly the same.  He will talk to anyone he meets and makes friends easily with the person next in line, the kid on the swing, the old person at church... and even after a full day with lots of people will still ask when he is going to see more friends... again, a mini-me... He loves stories and being read to... he can basically recite whole books and chapters of Winnie the Pooh (a gift I think he gets from Daddy)...

He is and has always been a boy on the move. Able to crawl at 6 months and walk at the back end of ten months he could dribble a soccer ball at the tender age of 15 months.  Now he loves to practice his fast bowling, and his forehand with equal interest and equal skill.  He also loves to ride his bike for hours without stabilisers... This ia a boy who seems to have a natural affinity for sports.

This year Bede starts school up the road.  He has been at preschool several days a week for the past two years or so, and has matured so much in that time.  He leads the gang of boys in their games with balls, sand, trains, and all sorts of other things.  He can and does lead group discussions when he has the preschool 'friend' home to visit for a week and has to report back... leads the discussion, fields questions... you'd think he was born to be in the spotlight... a natural leader.

It will be fascinating to see how school affects him, how he fits in to the group... how he learns and grows and develops... It is an exciting time...

And yet... sometimes I wish he was that tiny baby again.  I would do so much differently.  But then wouldn't we all?  Wouldn't we all cuddle them more and stress about that skipped nap a bit less? Wouldn't we all shout less and rough house more? Tickle more?

Be less annoyed by his endearing quirks? Be less annoyed by his constant (and I do mean CONSTANT) chatter? Be less annoyed by his apparent inheritance of all my bad points?!

In some ways the next few years are going to be a lot about me learning to parent him better... learning to see his similarities to me and love them.  Learning to enjoy my own annoying traits... and learning how to teach him to manage them effectively...

Still Alive!!

I am still alive oh my devoted followers...we few, we happy few...

The move is accomplished with the minimum of stress.  We now reside outside of Sydney (GASP) in a small country town.  Our home is situated on a block of land that could easily be divided into two generous blocks.  The house itself is large.  No.  Wait.  It's huge.  We're used to living in maybe 3 rooms.  Now we have 4 bedrooms, and two living areas, and nowhere near enough furniture to fill it. 

We have already begun on the backyard modifications.   We now have 4 vegetable/herb gardens with many vegetables growing in them (many of which, mind you, I don't eat).  We have also pulled out the entirety of the front flower bed, which is now ready for new and pretty flowers rather than spike/fern things...

On another topic, I have officially survived the first year of being a mother.  Bede turned 1 today!!  He is still breastfed, he eats lots and lots of everything, he sleeps 12 hours at night and two hours (ish) during the day in 2 chunks.  He walks everywhere, and is getting better at it everyday.  He askes "Dis?" as he points to things, and has finally mastered the mum mum mum sound.  He throws left handed and can stack blocks. He loves all music, making singing and dancing attempts constantly.  He loves being read to and can turn the pages of a book, knowing to begin at the beginning.  He is a very happy little boy who will smile at everyone, and will walk up to, climb on, and cuddle everyone who is friendly to him.  He is very ticklish and laughs all the time. 

If you can't tell,  may have enjoyed being a mum this year just a little bit.  I am still being asked all the time when will I go back to work.  I simply answer "Not for the forseeable future".  And I'm OK with that!

One potato, two potato, three potato, four...

I have decided that I am going to start the mammoth task of packing up the house.  It is probably a good idea to start now since packing with an almost toddler will probably take longer.  I often wonder how people with multiple (and sometimes many multiple) children do it.  How do you cope with more than one child? more than one routine?  more than one set of nappies (if they are close together in age)...


I have a strange family. We have very large age-gaps between siblings.  Ten years between my sister and me, and then 6 years between me and my next sister.  Then there was an aberration; an anomaly to the pattern: my brother arrives after a mere 13 months.  I remember many years of being an only child.  Then suddenly I had two siblings in quick succession.  


My question is: what is a fair age-gap between children?  I know many people who have 2 years and under between children, but not many who have 3 years or more.  Is there really such a huge advantage to being stressed out of your brain for a few years to have kids close together?  Do the benefits really outweigh the costs? the years of sleeplessness, nappies, toddlers, breastfeeding, the HSCs, driving lessons etc???  


I think I would hate having kids so close together...until I remember how close my siblings are.  They have the same friends and go to the same parties quite often.  They shared a room until they were 15 and 14.  


Even now they share a language I cannot penetrate through the generation gap.  And it is a generation.  I am married with a baby, and they are still at uni.  Were Fiona still with us, she would be almost 40.  She may be married.  She would most likely not have kids (due to chemo and radiotherapy as a child), but she would have her own generational markers and language.


I suppose looking at my own sibling age-gaps, and knowing that Luke is an only child, I keep coming back to the question of what works?  I know that a 13 month age gap nearly killed mum.  I also know that I never really quite got over the arrival of my sister (less so my brother), and that most of my childhood was spent relating to adults or older cousins, making it harder for me to relate to kids my own age.  Bede won't have quite that problem since he will be at Sunday School from a very young age with kids his own age all the time.  


But what would you do?  would you have yours close together? or have a larger gap? and if you already have your kids, would you do it the same way again? or would you have them closer together/further apart and why??