There has been a lot of discussion on television and social media lately about the opening of the film Fifty Shades of Grey. This is not a movie I am planning on seeing or a book I am planning on reading (for many reasons not to be discussed here)... but I want to hone in on an idea that is coming up in the discussion... the concept of Romance.
When we think of Romance, we think of the box of chocolates, the flowers sent to a workplace, the candle lit dinner, the walk on the beach, or the weekend locked alone in a mountain cabin with a fireplace and a bear skin rug don't we?
We think of the grand gesture... the proposal at the top of the Eiffel Tower... or the proposal on the beach next to the fire that his best friend lit... or the proposal over dinner with the engagement ring in the glass of champagne after a decadent chocolate dessert...
We think of poetry..."How do I love thee...?" "Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments..." "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"...Roses are red violets are blue...
We think of Romance as one of those things that shows that a relationship has spark... that your special someone loves you and only you until he or she dies. We have a love affair with love affairs on film and television... love at first sight... romantic dinner dates... following your heart no matter how many people may be hurt in the process.
In some ways Romance is like that... there are grand gestures... decadent desserts and diamond rings... happily ever afters...
But the happily ever afters aren't littered with roses and diamonds taking place in palaces with diamond sunbursts and marble halls. The most romantic fictional literary couples after they marry would still have to do the washing up and would still have morning breath just like the rest of us...
So I put it to you that yes, romance is about the chocolates and roses... some of the time and mostly in fictional universes. In the time and place in which we find ourselves romance is an entirely different beast.
Some years ago Luke and I served on a beach mission team in Kiama. Each member of the team was customarily interviewed at a meal, and I was asked what Luke's most romantic present to me had been. I remember talking fondly of the first birthday I celebrated while we were going out, at which he gave me a couple of history books by Alison Weir (which I still have and love)...and all the girls in the room simultaneously sighed... how romantic! He knew what I liked and was interested in and went out of his way to find it!! The guys were all thinking...he got her books?
Romance is about knowing someone intimately and doing little things to make their life better. It is about the tiny daily acts of kindness that make up the tapestry of a life...
Romance is making me tea in the morning with milk and one before I even say a word... romance is falling asleep with me on the couch each night as we listen to Mike Duncan's Revolutions podcast... romance is getting up in the middle of the night to replace a dummy or cuddle a crying baby so I can keep sleeping... romance is lovingly preparing dinner after a long day at work... romance is making a mix tape with songs he wanted to introduce me to (back in the day)... romance is praying with the kids each night before they go to sleep... romance is doing bathtime every night and seeing it as fun!... romance is about taking Miss 3 out on Daddy-Daughter dates... romance is about shoehorning me out the door to spend time with friends... reading to me from a mutually favourite book... binge watching tv series for fun...giving me freedom to study again even though it will make things harder for him... giving me freedom to go places alone to recharge...and sitting in bed in companionable silence each night each with a book...
Sure we love going away for weekends without the kids... sure we love going out to the ballet or nice dinners in the city and things like that... But I never expect to be given flowers... it hasn't happened yet, and if it did I would think it was strange... it is more likely to be books or dvds anyway these days...
I know that may not be everyone's experience of Romance... what is yours?
