A time to speak?

I am torn.  I have a friend.  Yes I know.  I have a friend.  How did that happen?  Anyway.  I have a friend (let's call her Sophie) who has a problem.  Sophie confided in me that she is struggling with the attitudes of a good Christian friend of hers.  

He is older than her, and has been a Christian for many many years longer than she.  He is from a Christian family who love him very much.   He has the "Christian pedigree" (went to Sunday school, a Christian school, Youth group, Bible College).  But Sophie has been increasingly worried about some of his attitudes and his actions (mostly online).  

Sophie's friend is not afraid to express divisive opinions (about things upon which Christians often disagree) loudly in the company of non-believers and people who love to hear that the church cannot get it's act together.  He is not afraid to drink rather more than he should (again in the company of non-believers), and is rather less than discreet about some of his attitudes to women (joining inappropriate Facebook groups etc).  He is also not afraid to go one holiday alone with his girlfriend.

Sophie's husband has spoken to him many times in love, raising these and other issues.  But there is a problem there too.  Sophie's husband was brought to Christ by this friend and has not been a believer as long.  Her husband is younger than her friend, and takes a more conservative line on many things.  Sophie is afraid that the voice of her husband is being lost in the loud secular voices of the media and unbelieving friends. She worries that his influence is being lessened because he is telling his friend things he doesn't want to hear about things in his life that need to change, and behaviour that is blatantly ungodly, behaviour which belies his Christian professions of faith.

Sophie asked me what she should do.  Should she keep praying for her friend and the words of her husband and hold her piece about her growing frustration?  Should she raise issues with her friend directly and risk damaging the friendship of both her and her husband?  or should she put the health of his soul above the feelings of her heart and say it anyway?

Changes changes.

It has been a year of great change.  


I spent about an hour and a half last night reading back over the Facebook posts and status updates on my profile since my birthday in 2009.  It was an interesting exercise and one I plan to revisit every so often.  It really showed me a couple of things about my life.  It has most definitely been a year of great change. 


 I went from someone who worked for money (and fulfillment) to someone who stayed home full-time with a small person!  I went from someone who I thought was not that excited about having kids to someone who now has one and can admit publicly that I love motherhood. 


I noticed that I have many very supportive friends.  Some of them I see all the time.  Some of them I haven't seen in person for many years.  Yet all have been giving of themselves and their advice when requested or needed.  I know some people say Facebook has made friendship less meaningful, and I can see why that may be the case, but for me, it has enabled me to reconnect with many friends who no longer live close by.  It has meant that people who (for whatever reason) can't come and visit can still see Bede and his progress (and follow mine). 


I also noticed that (despite my many protestations to the contrary) I was actually very excited to be pregnant and loved most of it.  On the same topic, I saw many many updates (more than I ever thought I could write) extolling the positives of motherhood.  Sure there were also many many negative posts...some days the positives felt very far away.  But over all I think we can say that motherhood has been a positive experience.  


It was interesting to me to realise that Facebook is almost better than a baby book for me in that I update with almost every new skill mastered or cute expression espied.  I have a real baby book.  But I would have to check my Facebook profile to accurately update it!!


So for next year instead of a new baby, we will have a new home, a new Church family, a new geographic and social area to get used to.  Many changes.  Will my Facebook profile adequately reflect the scope and effect of all of them?  Probably not since working in ministry has its own ethical and privacy codes.  But I will certainly try to live as openly in ministry as I try to live in motherhood so that no one can say I am half-hearted in my motherhood or in my ministry or in my marriage.  

The wand chooses the wizard...

It is almost here.  It has almost arrived.  After years of waiting, and counting down, we are about to see yet another Harry Potter Film.   The trailers promise an extravaganza of Biblical proportions.  And so does the book...it would have to given that it was split into two films.

I have just finished re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (for the squillionth time).  I am a huge advocate of reading books more than once.  In my school days I used to be bamboozled because girls who had not even read an English text we were studying would beat me in exams when I had read the book countless times (inconceivable I know...mind you I was sure I was just a failed genius...).  And it is not as though I don't "get it" the first time.  I re-read it for the sheer pleasure of re-visiting familiar and beloved characters, places and situations, and because I almost always discover something new in a book each time I read it.

This time was no exception.  There I was reading HP7 when I discovered something about wandlore I was hitherto unaware of.   It seems that the descriptors of the wand have 2 functions (that I have so far discerned).

1) We find out the eventual height of the owner of the wand.  The length of the wand is directly proportional to their adult height (Hagrid's wand is 16 inches long where most other people's would be between 9 and 13)
2) We also find out about the flexibility of the character (note that Bellatrix has a wand that is rigid, whereas Draco Malfoy's is bendy).  This could indicate the propensity of the character to be swayed from a position they have adopted, or (in the case of Wormtail, to be broken).

I don't think this is the only thing we can learn about the characters from their wand descriptions.  I have not as yet investigated the supposed properties of the kind of wood that makes up the wand.  Mind you it might be interesting to do that since Hagrid's is made from oak which is a long lived, strong and constant wood.

Anyway.  Enough musing on the world of HP.  Soon enough (14 days to be precise).  I will be sitting in a cinema (without Bede...so a babysitter will be required) eagerly anticipating the opening credits of the penultimate installment of the HP saga!!!

BRING IT ON!!!!!

One potato, two potato, three potato, four...

I have decided that I am going to start the mammoth task of packing up the house.  It is probably a good idea to start now since packing with an almost toddler will probably take longer.  I often wonder how people with multiple (and sometimes many multiple) children do it.  How do you cope with more than one child? more than one routine?  more than one set of nappies (if they are close together in age)...


I have a strange family. We have very large age-gaps between siblings.  Ten years between my sister and me, and then 6 years between me and my next sister.  Then there was an aberration; an anomaly to the pattern: my brother arrives after a mere 13 months.  I remember many years of being an only child.  Then suddenly I had two siblings in quick succession.  


My question is: what is a fair age-gap between children?  I know many people who have 2 years and under between children, but not many who have 3 years or more.  Is there really such a huge advantage to being stressed out of your brain for a few years to have kids close together?  Do the benefits really outweigh the costs? the years of sleeplessness, nappies, toddlers, breastfeeding, the HSCs, driving lessons etc???  


I think I would hate having kids so close together...until I remember how close my siblings are.  They have the same friends and go to the same parties quite often.  They shared a room until they were 15 and 14.  


Even now they share a language I cannot penetrate through the generation gap.  And it is a generation.  I am married with a baby, and they are still at uni.  Were Fiona still with us, she would be almost 40.  She may be married.  She would most likely not have kids (due to chemo and radiotherapy as a child), but she would have her own generational markers and language.


I suppose looking at my own sibling age-gaps, and knowing that Luke is an only child, I keep coming back to the question of what works?  I know that a 13 month age gap nearly killed mum.  I also know that I never really quite got over the arrival of my sister (less so my brother), and that most of my childhood was spent relating to adults or older cousins, making it harder for me to relate to kids my own age.  Bede won't have quite that problem since he will be at Sunday School from a very young age with kids his own age all the time.  


But what would you do?  would you have yours close together? or have a larger gap? and if you already have your kids, would you do it the same way again? or would you have them closer together/further apart and why??