Just a mum...Part II

Often I am asked when I will be going back to work.  If I had a dollar for every time the question is asked, I would be very very rich.  It is an interesting assumption isn't it? Of course I'll be going back to work right?  I mean I'm a modern woman with a modern (and very expensive) education.

My school life was filled with the explicit indoctrination into modern ideas about women in the workforce: women can and should have both a career (a successful one of course), and a family at the same time.  I never really thought twice about the question of going back to work.  Not until Bede arrived.

Now when I think about going back to work, I am uncertain.  I alternate between wanting to go back to teaching; to the imparting of knowledge to the young; and wanting to stay with Bede, seeing all his firsts.  I have already missed a couple recently.  I missed the first time he pulled up to stand when he was at home with Poppy while Luke and I went to lunch...and then I missed the first time he pulled himself up in his cot, again while out with Luke.

Going back to work has other problems.  We will be moving at the end of the year to an as yet unknown location (we'll know where as soon as Luke gets a job for next year), into an as yet unknown church family.  It would not have been worth going back to work this year since I would have to quit at the end of the year anyway.  And next year, our first year in parish ministry, I want to spend time making connections, finding my feet in our new spiritual home.  I don't want to confuse the issue (or Bede) by adding a new job to the list of new things (new home, new church) we'll have to get used to.

We also kind of like the idea of 3 year age gaps, so in some ways it may not be worth going back to work between children.  Mind you I may change my mind on that one.

So it is a loaded question for me when people ask when I'm going back to work.  Firstly it assumes that I will.  I may not.  Secondly it assumes that work outside the home is a more important, more valid occupation than looking after the primary needs of Bede and home.  For the time being, caring for Bede's physical, spiritual and emotional welfare is my primary ministry which God has graciously blessed me with.  Any job I go back to will always be secondary to the cares of the family.

In a new church we will be wanting to extend hospitality often and to many people.  If I am working I will be less able to extend that hospitality and to run an efficient household (something I already struggle to achieve).  If I try to add paid work to my home responsibilities, Luke's life is made more complicated and stressful, which is not something he needs in a new job.

So as you can see asking me when I'll be going back to work is a very loaded question.  And for someone like me who was less-than -enthusiastic about leaving the work force, it can be a hurtful question because it reminds me of the sacrifices I make every day, and how selfish it is to even consider them sacrifices.